Feedback: It's Both Give and Take
It can be hard to hear.
It can also be hard to give, especially to give it well.
Is there a trick to making this giving and receiving of feedback a smashing success?
I think so, although trick might not be the best word.
Last week I had the HONOUR! of receiving feedback from a senior leader in the organization where I work. I say honour because the routine and regular giving of feedback has not been a part of my experience in past jobs. In the past it was kind of like this:
If I don't hear anything... everything must be good.... Right? ....er....
I'm not sure if you've been a part of the silence-is-golden type of workplace culture before but I believe that it just doesn't work.
People in a feedback vacuum are left to their own imaginations of how they are doing, and these imaginings rarely reflect reality.
Back to what happend last week.
The leader asked me if we could meet for them to provide me some feedback.
I said Yes.
At the meeting, the leader asked some open ended questions to gain context.
The leader then tailored/customized the feedback based on the understanding gained from my answers to the questions.
I listened and sought to understand.
Later that day I fired off an email to clarify what I had taken away as the feedback.
The leader responded with a few clarifying points and then did something utterly ridiculous...
The leader asked me if I could give them feedback... on the way they gave me the feedback!!!!
INCREDIBLE!
I did have a few things I thought the leader could do to improve and so we got together the next day to discuss.
The communication was open, collaborative, and direct.
Amazing.
There are some good lessons I took away from the experience and I'd like to share them.
ON GIVING FEEDBACK:
1. Ask permission to give the feedback first. This ensures the person is in a decent frame of mind to hear you.
2. Before giving the feedback, seek to understand the context around the topic and be open to changing/altering the feedback you were going to deliver.
3. Listen generously.
4. When you are done ask the receiver what they heard you say or what they are taking away.
5. Ask the receiver if they can give you feedback on your delivery.
ON RECEIVING FEEDBACK:
1. Get in a mindset of openness in preparation. Realize feedback is for your good and if you can hear it, you will grow and be better.
2. Listen generously.
3. Check pride at the door. Realize you, like the rest of humanity, are a work in progress.
4. Reflect back to the feedback provider what you heard them say to ensure you got it.
5. Decide on how you will allow the feedback to change you.
These principles aren't just limited to the workplace and I'm looking forward to trying them with my kids, friends and relationships.
Take the opportunity to be both a giver and receiver of feedback and watch your workplace, your parenting and your relationships all experience a level-up !!
I love that your experience was so positive. I like the tips you give in order to construct a healthy dialog. I think that one additional item might be covered at the onset. What is the intent of the feedback? If the feedback is praise, I don't really need the ego boost. I also, have only met a few bosses in my 45 years of corporate life that have honestly cared about my opinion. They have asked, but they are motivated by the wrong stuff for my opinion to matter to them personally.
ReplyDeletegood points to remember - thanks
ReplyDeleteyes, in the best organizations critique/feedback is a two-way street. enjoy working for a good company!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteFor me the key take out was your boss asking on feedback on how the feedback was given ! That is truly amazing and makes one realise how much one can take for granted in a simple yet so powerful a human process ! Thanks for this !
ReplyDeleteSounds like a great positive experience. Feedback and open/honest communication is critical for everyone. (I disagree with Meekz -- some people don't need positive reinforcement, but I believe they are in the minority. The Myers-Briggs personality type system gives real insight into the kinds of feedback different personality types need and respond best to.)
ReplyDeleteAt my company, we use a process where the employee fills in their annual review first, so that they have the opportunity to present their achievements/challenges/areas they need to work on. I find this is very effective... if I disagree with their assessment, I have time to think about where they are coming from and how to frame feedback in a way that will provide positive guidance. Typically, I find that people have a pretty good sense of how they are doing so it is rare that I see one that is completely offbase.
This article was interesting however i did not agree with this part
ReplyDelete1. Ask permission to give the feedback first. This ensures the person is in a decent frame of mind to hear you.
Because the success rate of asking can I give you some feedback is often 100% failure. I would rather start with i would of done it this way, or something like i see where you did that and why but did you think about this? Or in hindsight would you of done it the same or done something more like this?
I just find that you cannot really get a person in the mindset for receiving feedback, few people receive feedback well and actually do something about it. besides what i have seen in sports team, so I would be interested in your opinion on this.
Yes it should be a give and take process. The group or company would definitely benefit from the open communication within the various levels of office hierarchy.
ReplyDelete@ The leader asked me if I could give them feedback... on the way they gave me the feedback!!!!
ReplyDeleteHow did that make you feel ?
Nice guidelines, logical and simple. =)
ReplyDeleteOne extra step makes the difference
ReplyDeletegreat article, very informative, thanks
ReplyDeleteWell explained about feedback.
ReplyDeleteGreat, that's the way it should go in all companies
ReplyDelete"Check pride at the door. Realize you, like the rest of humanity, are a work in progress."
ReplyDeleteVery good advice. When I was younger, I used to take professional feedback personally. Thankfully, I learned to take feedback as they really are - pointers for improvement from people who care.
Timely article for me. Just wrapped up a project and I need to get feedback and testimonial from the client. Thanks, Jordan!
The word feedback is loaded and that concerns me a bit. Most folks say feedback when they mean criticism. I like the term evaluation and find that to have less emotional baggage at least for me.
ReplyDeleteThe item that I would add to your list is to start with plan, agenda, or talking points. I find when evaluating or getting evaluated that anxiety is reduced if i know what is going to be discussed.
Thanks for the advice. Great points to remember!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great story with great advice.
ReplyDeleteThank you good stuff
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing! This can be a tough process on both ends!
ReplyDeleteListen generously. This should be done with every convo you have with anyone.
ReplyDeleteFeedback can be the most important thing you can recieve in your life!!
ReplyDeleteI let people mentor me even when what I hear is hard!!
I'm still learning to do this (well) after many years of practice in both my personal and professional lives - thanks for the reminder of the importance of this!
ReplyDeleteNB : something I found that works 90% of the time is the simple phrase "I really do appreciate your words...let me return this appreciation by sharing some of my thoughts with you."
ReplyDeleteJust desire to say your article is as astonishing. The clearness in your put up is simply spectacular and i can think you are a professional
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I tend not to drop a comment, but I browsed a few of the responses on "Feedback: It's Both Give and Take".
ReplyDeleteI do have a few questions for you if you do not mind.
Could it be just me or does it look like a few of these responses appear like they
are written by brain dead folks? :-P And, if you are posting at other places, I'd like to keep up with you. Would you post a list of all of all your social networking sites like your Facebook page, twitter feed, or linkedin profile?
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